Lighthouse by the Ocean
by invizee
Summary: This is an AU set circa 1940. Tsukushi is a reluctant, unconventional geisha in training who hates her current profession. But than she meets the F4! And falls for Rui.. or is it Tsukasa? [UPDATED FINALLY!]
1. Prologue

Background  
  
A geisha is a woman, highly trained in the arts, who gets paid to entertain at parties with games, music, dance and conversation. Her most important task is to ensure her customers are happy. Contrary to popular belief, geishas are not prostitutes. One must undergo intensive training to become a full-fledged geisha (geiko). A maiko is an apprentice geisha. The ruling factor in a geisha's life is her new Okasan (mother) who owns the geisha establishment (okiya).  
  
In the okiya that they are residing, there are mostly apprentice geishas like Tsukushi, Sakurako and Yuki. There are only a few full-fledged geishas and Shizuka Toudo is the most sought-after by clients.  
  
To many patrons, a geisha party in teahouses is an ideal place to strike up business proposals and trade secrets. Geishas have always entertained the rich and powerful. So it's not surprising that sons of wealthy businessmen like Tsukasa Domyouji, Rui Hanazawa, Akira Mimasaka and Soujirou Nishikado patronize such teahouses often both for work and leisure.  
  
Note: I haven't decided whether to make this a T/T or R/T since I love both just as much. So its all up to the reviews! 


	2. Invisible Tears

Disclaimer: I don't own HYD or its characters. I wish I did though!  
  
Chapter One: Invisible Tears  
  
At a secluded corner of the okiya, a girl sat there staring out of the window and feeling the cool morning air against her face. After awhile, she slowly got up and made her way back to where her next class was starting in a few minutes. This had been her daily morning ritual ever since she first stepped foot there. The nights were bad but the mornings were the worst. The sunrise meant nothing, each day was the same to her.  
  
"Tsukushi!" a cheery voice called out to her.  
  
Turning around, she gave a smile to one of her few true friends at the okiya.  
  
"Morning Yuki. What class are you having now?" Tskushi asked.  
  
"Ikebana." Yuki made a face. "I hate arranging flowers. I just can't seem to get it right no matter how much I try. I wish I was like you, Tsukushi. You just seem to pick things up effortlessly. No wonder Okasan always sings your praises. I bet you will become a geiko soon."  
  
Tsukushi laughed, "That's not true," although in her heart she knew it was. Learning just came effortlessly to her. She was blessed with talent and beauty, pre-requisites to become a top geisha. "But so what?" she often thought to herself bitterly. "I didn't even want to be here in the first place. I don't even care about being promoted to a geiko."  
  
Turning her attention back to Yuki, she said, "I have shamisen training now. I'll see you later." And so the two of them parted ways.  
  
At least she was starting the day with something she actually liked. The shamisen was a three-stringed instrument resembling a small banjo and Tsukushi loved playing it. In fact the shamisen was her greatest strength and she felt at peace whenever she was plucking the delicate strings. Just hearing the melodious strains of the notes made her content. When the class ended, she felt hollow again.  
  
Sighing she left the room. She had to do several errands before her next class began. She had to pick up a new kimono for Shizuka Toudo, the most popular geiko in the okiya. Walking along the streets of Gion always made her feel depressed. Passing several geishas she recognised, she bowed to them and went on her way.  
  
Tsukushi always wondered what would happen if she kept walking. Perhaps she might drop off the face of the earth and never be seen again, which to her would be an improvement given the state of her life now. Just merely existing was painful.  
  
She hated the way that she had to put on a mask in front of everyone. In the course of her training, she was always drilled that, "Make your clients feel that they have done no wrong, can do no wrong and will never do any wrong." It was all that geishas lived for.  
  
This totally went against Tsukushi's direct and open nature. She liked to say and do things the way they were. Being a geisha was the last thing she wanted if she had a choice. But she hadn't.  
  
At the age of 6 years old, her very own parents had sold her to the okiya. Just thinking about them made her heart ache dully again. Her mind wandered to that day which seemed so long ago.  
  
Flashback   
  
"Tsukushi. We are going away for awhile. You have to stay here and be a good girl all right?" her mother had whispered to her at the okiya where she was to be left behind.  
  
"But can't I come too?" she had pouted.  
  
"No, Tsukushi. The place where we are going to is not suitable for little girls like you. Trust us. We will come back for you," her father reassured her.  
  
So they had left her there. That same night, unable to sleep in a different environment, she tossed and turned in her new bed. Finally she decided to sneak out and search for her parents. Her mum had told her that they were leaving that night, so she crept along the dark streets determined to reach her parents before they left.  
  
Reaching her home, she spied a car outside the front door. Her parents were packing in their luggage and were putting their last suitcase in the boot when Tsukushi ran up to them, yelling at them not to go.  
  
Tsukushi's mother had hugged her and told her to behave herself at her new home while her father had looked on rather impatiently. Finally she let go and both of them got in the car. Tsukushi tried to do the same. Never would she have imagined that her father would actually shove her away and slam the car door in her face.  
  
Her dress had been caught on the door and she was forced to run along with the car as it sped on the road. Her tiny fists pounded on the window and begged her father who was driving to stop. He paid no attention to her and drove faster instead.  
  
Her mother just looked down in her lap. Tsukushi could not keep up any longer and she was dragged along. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, her dress tore and she was left behind. But the little Tsukushi had a never-say-die spirit and she refused to give up. Struggling to pick up herself up, she started running again after the car whilst sobbing pitifully, "Mum! Dad! Please wait for me!"  
  
But they never looked back and it was at that instant that she realised this was the last time she was ever going to see them again. Finally she collapsed on the road and lay there limp like a little ragdoll before the hired help from the okiya carried her back. There, Okasan had told her that the okiya was her home now. It was only years later that she realised her parents business had failed. Their only choice was to escape from their debtors and to raise the money for that, they had to sell her to the okiya.  
  
End of Flashback   
  
Since than, the indomitable spirit that Tsukushi possessed seemed to have died in her. It had been replaced by one of apathy where she constantly thought, "Why bother trying?" That was why she never attempted to run away from the okiya. The scars from when she was a child had never healed properly. The open wounds were left to fester and they never went away.  
  
As she continued to walk along the streets of Gion, Tskushi wondered if there would ever be anything that would resurrect that feisty attitude buried deep inside her again.  
  
She remembered something Yuki had said once, "In life, each person would always have that special something that they will pursue and not give up for anything in the world."  
  
Shaking her head Tsukushi continued along her way to complete the errand for Shizuka. She doubted that she would ever feel so strongly about something ever again. Suddenly she felt overwhelmed by it all and buried her face in her hands. It was something that came all too easily for her these days and she resented herself for that.  
  
"You look like you could use this," a sudden voice interrupted her thoughts.  
  
Startled Tsukushi looked up and saw a well-dressed young man holding out a handkerchief to her. She stared and him and hesitated for awhile before taking it.  
  
"Dry your tears with that," he said shortly before walking away.  
  
Tsukushi stood rooted for the spot for awhile. Wiping away her tears, she stared at the back of the retreating figure. Those haunting eyes of his contained something hidden in its depths. When she gazed into it, she thought she recognised something in it that resembled how she felt. Was it possible to feel total affinity with a stranger?  
  
She looked at the handkerchief he had given her. It had a nice, pleasant scent. Turning it over she saw the initials 'H.R.' She traced it with her fingers and wondered what it stood for. She had a sudden longing to see that stranger again. In that short encounter, he had made her feel alive again. Even amidst his own invisible tears, he had noticed hers.  
  
That simple kind gesture touched her heart. Tucking the handkerchief into one of her pockets, she allowed herself a small smile.  
  
Perhaps there was a reason to keep trying, after all. 


	3. Him

Chapter Two: Him  
  
Tsukushi fingered the handkerchief gently and looked at it wistfully. Not a day went by that she did not think about the enigmatic stranger. Whenever she could, she sneaked out of the okiya to the same spot that she had met him, hoping to catch another glimpse of him. There was something about him that drew him to her. She felt a special connection with him, as if he was the only one who could provide her with all the answers.  
  
"Tsukuhi?" one of the maids interrupted her thoughts.  
  
Sighing she turned around, "What is it?"  
  
"Shizuka would like to see you in her room," the servant bowed and left her room.  
  
If it were anyone else, Tsukushi would have been annoyed at the interruption. But Shizuka was different, she was her onesan, or assigned Older Sister. Shizuka acted as a mentor to her and would guide her through every aspect of the geisha profession. Tsukushi admired everything about Shizuka who was a willowy, graceful beauty with a good heart.  
  
Tsukushi remembered how miserable she was during her first few days in the okiya, when she still refused to acknowledge that her parents were cruel enough to condemn her to such a fate. The older girls had taken turns to bully her and order her about. One of them, Asai had even kicked her. Tsukushi had been lying on the floor crying until Shizuka came to her rescue and helped her to wash up.  
  
In those days before Yuki came, Shizuka had been her source of support. She told Tsukushi that no matter what, she had to stand up for herself as the okiya was a vicious place where the competition to be the best was merciless. Tsukushi had taken her advice and from them on, she never allowed herself to be bullied again.  
  
Despite everything however, Shizuka never confided in her about her personal problems or her feelings. Tsukushi did not know anything about Shizuka's family and whenever the topic came out, it was always neatly sidestepped.  
  
When Tsukushi reached the room, she saw that Shizuka was already waiting for her.  
  
"Come Tsukushi. I have something to tell you," she gestured.  
  
Tsukushi went in and looked at Shizuka expectantly.  
  
"It is time for you to make your debut. There is a dinner party at the Eitoku teahouse, which will be your 'home' teahouse from now on. You will be required to attend this party. As your Older Sister, I would accompany you and introduce you to all the important people that can help your career. Don't worry Tsukushi, you have been doing a great job so far. You'll charm all the people there!" Shizuka took her hand and smiled.  
  
"Whatever," Tsukushi gave a resigned sigh. So the day she had been dreading had finally arrived. It was time to put theory into practice. At least Shizuka would be with her. She just hoped that the people she was expected to entertain would not be repulsive. Even though she had years of training, she knew one thing that she could not control was her temper.  
  
Tsukushi went back to her room and waited for her dresser to help her get ready for the party. Most geisha dressers were men and they were the only men allowed in the inner departments of the okiya. Being a dresser was a highly skilled profession and they were critical to a geisha's success.  
  
"Good afternoon," a young man entered the room and gave me a shy smile. "From now on, I will be your dresser. My name is Kazuya,"  
  
Tsuskushi immediately took to the young man that was to be her dresser. She had a feeling that Kazuya would be one of her good friends in time to come. Indeed many dressers end up as a confidante to the geishas and someone to turn to for brotherly advice.  
  
With Kazuya's help, Tskushi was soon dressed in a kimono complete with wooden sandals. She then proceeded with to make-up her face and neck along with other last minute preparations. Soon she was ready. Shizuka was waiting for her along with some of the other people in the okiya.  
  
Yuki gaped at her and was speechless, "Wow! Tsukushi looks so beautiful." Sakurako piped in, "Nice. But I think Shizuka is much more beautiful."  
  
As Tsukushi made her way out of the okiya with Shizuka, they were applauded with words of congratulations and praise. Tsukushi felt embarrassed by all the attention.  
  
While walking to the Eitoku teahouse, Shizuka turned to her and said, "The people you will be entertaining today are four very distinguished young man known as the F4 who are heirs to their father's vast business empire. They are among the richest people in Japan and you might find them difficult to deal with."  
  
Tsukushi groaned inwardly. It was just her luck that she would be assigned to entertain such customers on her debut.  
  
Shizuka continued, "But Tsukushi, you must remember that it is a geisha's job to find something likeable about their customers. After all, they have paid for your company. The fundamental challenge of our profession is to conceal one's personal feelings under a veneer of gentility. No matter what, you have to make them feel good. Can you do that for me?"  
  
Tsukushi looked at Shizuka and nodded silently. It was the least she could do for her Older Sister who had done so much for her. Tsukushi knew that she had to bear with it so that she would not bring shame upon Shizuka. Soon they reached the teahouse. The master of the teahouse greeted us and addressed me directly, "Tsukushi, is it? I have heard about you. Tonight you will specially entertain Tsukasa Domyouji."  
  
At the mention of that name, Shizuka stiffened slightly. But she regained her composure and laughed confidently, "I am sure that our Tsukushi will be able to handle him!"  
  
As it was customary for the most junior geisha to enter the room first, Tsukushi opened the door, carried in the sake (rice wine) bottle and bowed to the guests. When she saw whom she was expected to entertain, she nearly dropped the bottle. For right before her very eyes, was the enigma she had been searching for all this while. 


	4. Loving You, Loving Me

Chapter Three: The Party  
  
Tsukushi could not believe that he was sitting right there. She continued staring at him and barely registered everything else.  
  
The master of the teahouse immediately hissed, "Serve the guests."  
  
Tsukushi said, "Oops. Off course." She proceeded to pour the wine.  
  
"Not a very good geisha is she?" a young man with curly hair sneered at her.  
  
"Please excuse her, Tsukasa. Tsukushi is my younger sister. She is making her debut today as a maiko," Shizuka smiled.  
  
"Well..all right. If we weren't such good friends Shizuka, I would have been offended," Tsukasa said in a bored voice.  
  
Tsukushi was annoyed that this rude man was the one she was supposed to entertain the whole night. She resisted the urge to pour the wine over his head while pouring it into his glass and gave him a strained smile instead. And why was he staring like that at her?!!  
  
Shizuka introduced the F4 to her. "Tsukasa Domyouji, Akira Mimasaka, Soujirou Nishikado and... Rui Hanazawa."  
  
So that was what the intials on the handkerchief stood for. Well at least she knew his name. He looked even more handsome than she recalled, although she had to admit that all 4 of them were exceptionally good looking, even the curly haired pig. She was disappointed that Rui did not seem to recognise her.  
  
"Well, what is she standing there for? Do something." Tsukasa scowled.  
  
"What a bad-tempered fellow," Tsukushi seethed inwardly. She felt like socking him in the face. Whoever came up with the idea that geishas were required to conceal their true feelings obviously had not met Tsukasa Domyouji!  
  
"Go easy on her Tsukasa. You're always so difficult," Akira shook his head. "Why don't you and Shizuka do a little dance for us first?" he suggested.  
  
Tsukushi felt relieved. The less she had to interact with that curly-headed pig the better. After an accompanist was called in the room, the two of them started a dance called, 'The Seasons in Kyoto.' As they danced rhythmically to the music, Tsukushi's gaze wandered to Rui again. With a jolt, she realised that his soulful eyes never left Shizuka, not once. It was than that she comprehended Rui's affections were reserved for her Older Sister. She felt her heart pang at this realisation.  
  
When the dance ended, she was forced to go back to Tsukasa and engage in conversation with him. Tsukushi was very knowledgeable about current events, contemporary literature and the arts but she felt akward talking to him about these matters. Instead she proceeded to pour him more wine.  
  
"Stop pouring me wine. I didn't ask for it!" Tsukasa snapped.  
  
Tsukushi answered promptly, "I would be a poor geisha to let a glass go un- filled."  
  
Tsukasa was speechless and started staring at her again. Tsukushi squirmed under his gaze, "Why does he have to be so good looking?" She felt herself blush and was thankful that her thick make-up concealed it.  
  
Finally Tsukasa looked away and attempted to start a conversation with her.  
  
"So where are you from?" he said while sipping his wine.  
  
"From the okiya."  
  
"No. I mean where were you born?" Tsukasa said exasperatedly.  
  
"Oh. Right here in Kyoto. What about you?"  
  
"I was born in Tokyo but I had to move here with my family as a lot of our business are based here. The Domyoujis are one of the richest families here, you know," Tsukasa bragged.  
  
"I know. And you have the attitude to match too," Tsukushi said sweetly. She was ready to use her wit to get into a verbal match with him. It would be a challenge to insult him without appearing to.  
  
To her disappointment, Soujirou proposed a game of Tosenknyo, at that point, ending their conversation. The game involved throwing a paper- dancing fan at a weighted target to knock it over. It was difficult game but geishas were trained in such games. Tsukushi was especially good at it as she had often practised the game whenever she wanted to vent her anger at something. The perfect target tonight was Tsukasa and imagining that the target was him, she threw the paper fan with all her might.  
  
It was no surprise that she turned out to be one of the best players but to her astonishment, Tsukasa was as well. Both had a competitive streak and soon it came down to a final throw to determine the winner. Tsukasa had gone first and had made a very good throw. If Tsukushi could not match up to it, she would lose the game. Aiming the paper fan at the target, she saw that Tsukasa was standing very near to it. Too near. Tsukushi threw the fan and it landed at the back of Tsukasa's head.  
  
"Ouch! You stupid woman! Don't you have eyes?!" Tsukasa rubbed the back of his head and glared at her.  
  
"I'm sorry. It was an accident. Let me apologize to you. I guess this means you win the game," Tsukushi bowed while laughing inwardly. She could not help the small smile escaping from her.  
  
Soujirou and Akira did not hide their mirth and was soon laughing hard. Even Rui smiled and said, "She got you there."  
  
Shizuka tried to soothe Tsukasa who was growing redder by the minute, "Stop laughing!" he fumed.  
  
Tsukushi was trying to smother her giggles, which were threatening to escape from her. Tsukasa looked so comical as he sat there rubbing his head. He looked like a little lost puppy.  
  
The rest of the night passed by in good humour. Indeed the F4 were very entertaining people. Well, F2 minus Tsukasa who kept glowering at her and the quiet Rui. Tsukushi enjoyed their company although she still felt sadness whenever she glanced at Rui who seemed to warm up to only Shizuka. When the party ended, she felt a strange mixture of emotions rising up within her.  
  
As they were walking back to the okiya, Tsukushi turned to Shizuka and remarked casually, "You seem to know Hanazawa Rui quite well."  
  
"I've known Rui for quite sometime now. I met him at my debut party too." And that was all Shizuka said about the matter.  
  
"Tsukushi, I was not very happy about how you behaved with Tsukasa just now. I know that you dislike him but I must warn you not to allow your emotions get the better of you again. It would only spell trouble. The Domyouji family, let's just say that they are very influential and I do not want anything to happen to you," Shizuka said.  
  
Tsukushi pondered about this quietly, "I'm sorry Shizuka. I just could not control myself. You know that I don't have the temperament required to do this job well. That's why I'm aware that I will never be a top geisha, not that I care anyway."  
  
Shizuka took her hand and squeezed it, "That's a pity. You have both the beauty and talent. Give youself a chance, ok? And give Tsukasa a chance too, he's not that bad once you get to know him. You might even like him"  
  
Tsukushi snorted at that but she nodded and they made their way back in silence.  
  
It had been a few days since that dinner party but Tsukushi still could not forget it. She had been to other parties since than, but none matched the liveliness and vibrancy of the one at her debut. She constantly thought of Rui, and quite annoyingly Tsukasa as well.  
  
Tsukushi shook her head and decided to carry out her errand, which was to collect another kimono for Shizuka. She was grateful to step out of the okiya, which was stifling her. As she walked along the streets of Gion again, she breathed in the fresh air.  
  
"Hey," A voice interrupted her.  
  
She spun around and her eyes grew wide at the side of Hanazawa Rui standing behind her.  
  
"You're the one at the party right? Shizuka's younger sister?" Rui asked.  
  
Tsukushi stuttered, "Yes.. I'm Tsukushi Makino. You met me at that party."  
  
"Good. I didn't get to talk to you much than. Will you take a walk with me?" he said.  
  
Tsukushi could only nod mutely and the two of them started walking, side by side.  
  
Author's Note: Some aspects of a geisha's life have been simplified so that readers won't be too confused and bogged down by details. I've tried to make it as authentic as possible though. Please review ok? Thanks! A hint of coming chapters: since this fic is set in the 1940s, you should know what is coming.. yes World War Two! A sad fate awaits some characters later on, and who they are depend on whether you feel this story should be R/T or T/T. 


	5. Storm, Ship, Lighthouse

**Chapter Four: Storm, Ship, Lighthouse**  
  
Tsukushi walked silently by Hanazawa Rui's side. She glanced at him but he did not seem to want to speak. The silence was not awkward at all to her, in fact it seemed comforting compared to the incessant chatter that always filled the okiya. Finally he spoke up, "You're very quiet today."  
  
Tsukushi looked at him and smiled, "That's a bit of surprise, considering you're not exactly Mr Conversational yourself."  
  
He looked away, "You were more lively at the party."  
  
"That's my job, to make clients happy. Now you're looking at the real Tsukushi Makino without her make-up. Strip away the mask and you get the real thing underneath," she looked at him and hesitated before continuing boldly, "If I'm not wrong, you, Hanazawa-san is hiding behind a mask too."  
  
"You don't know me, so don't pretend you do," his reply was cutting.  
  
Tsukushi was undeterred, "Maybe I don't. But everyone hides behind masks. We are part of this eternal masquerade where the masks come and go. Don't you think so?"  
  
His expression was still one of calm but Tsukushi could see that his curiosity was piqued. He spoke up, "So who is the real Tsukushi Makino?"  
  
She smiled, secretly happy that he wanted to know about her.  
  
"Tsukushi Makino is a girl who until just recently wanted to live life like a routine, just going through her job as required of her. But, something happened that made her realise that it doesn't have to be this way. One thing she is sure is that once her parent's debts are repaid to the okiya, she will never return to being a geisha as the life is too restricting. In the meantime she is working hard to get out of her present situation," Tsukushi said in a determined voice while clenching her fists.  
  
Hanazawa Rui appeared to be deep in thought at her words, "So what happened?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What happened to make you change your mind?" he stopped and looked at her.  
  
Tsukushi was paralysed for awhile. Those eyes, they had the power to make time lose all meaning. She could get lost in them forever. "It was those eyes that changed my life!" she felt like screaming at him.  
  
"Ah.. that's a story for another day," she smiled at him instead.  
  
"Anyway, sometimes I find ways to rebel against the okiya. Do you know when I was still attending school, we had to enter some activities. I lied and told them that I entered the flower arranging club but I joined something else instead," Tsukushi chuckled at the memory.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"The basketball team! And I really enjoyed it too. They never found out. Too bad they made me stop school to concentrate on my career," Tsukushi's voice was tinged with regret. She looked at him who appeared to be contemplating something. She decided to take a risk and ask him something that had been bugging her.  
  
"Hanazawa-san, do you like Shizuka-sempai?"  
  
He looked at her and said coldly, "That is none of your business. I have to go now." He turned and walked away from her. Tsukushi looked at his retreating figure and felt the urge to call him back and apologize but she didn't, feeling that he needed to be alone. She felt slightly hurt, considering that she had opened up to him he in turn, had shut her out.  
  
Yet she understood that some things could never be shared with others. She too, had chosen not to reveal her exact feelings about her parent's abandonment and how angry she really felt at the world. She was not ready to do that to anyone, not even Hanazawa Rui.  
  
"I shall not press the matter again. He'll speak to me when he's ready," Tsukushi decided.  
  
She watched him disappearing in the distance. A thought suddenly popped into her mind. She had been like a ship lost in the ocean, just a small speck in the vastness. Everything around her was dark and if she wasn't careful she could crash. But like a beacon of light, Hanazawa Rui had appeared to give her hope.  
  
She had thought that everything was a lost cause until she met him that day. Through the simple act of giving her his handkerchief, she felt that someone recognised her existence. He had strengthened her resolve to live life the way she wanted it too. She did not know why he made her feel this way, but she liked it.  
  
Tsukushi whispered, "Thank you, Hanazawa Rui. My lighthouse."

* * *

When she returned to the okiya, she was admonished gently by Shizuka, "Why were you late? Never mind. Anyway you have been booked for another dinner tomorrow night at the Eitoku Teahouse again by the F4 again. Looks like they liked you!"  
  
"The F4?" Tsukushi's heart lurched at the thought of seeing Hanazawa Rui again.  
  
"Yes, and this time I won't be going with you. But Sakurako and Yuki will. They have been booked as well," Shizuka said. "So do your best and remember to control your feelings about Tsukasa Domyouji."  
  
Tsukushi nodded. She only hoped that she would have a chance to speak with Hanazawa Rui again.

* * *

The next night, Tsukushi found herself making her way to the teahouse with Yuki and Sakurako. She felt a mixture of nervousness and excitement. To her disappointment when she went into the room, Hanazawa Rui was missing. Only the other 3 was present. Sakurako made a beeline to Domyouji immediately. "Oh Domyouji-san!! Have some wine!" she practically fawned all over him.  
  
Tsukushi frowned, she felt strangely disturbed at the two of them although for the life of her she could not fathom why. She attributed it to her frustration that Hanazawa Rui was not there. Yuki sat next to Soujirou so that left her to Akira. Sighing inwardly, she made her way to him.  
  
"Tskushi-chan! My favourite geisha!" Akira grinned at her.  
  
"I bet you say that to all the geishas," she smiled wryly.  
  
"Well, not all.. just the older geikos. They have more charm."  
  
Tsukushi was amused at Akira's antics and the two of them kept each other entertained through conversations on theatre and music. Surprisingly Akira was well versed in the arts.  
  
"It's a requirement that comes with being one of the richest families in Japan. We are expected to know these things. They'll come in handy during business dealings where you can impress your clients with your knowledge," Akira explained.  
  
"I see," Tsukushi poured more wine. "Ermm.. may I ask why Hanazawa-san is not here today?"  
  
"Ah, I was waiting to see when you would ask that question!" Akira flashed a knowing grin at her. "Rui is probably at home sleeping. He does that a lot you know."  
  
"Or maybe he didn't come because Shizuka-sempai isn't here.." she muttered softly to herself but it was loud enough for Akira to hear.  
  
"Perhaps. We never know what Rui is thinking. He's a strange one. He used to be very withdrawn as a kid but Shizuka changed him. Did you know that they've known each other since childhood?"  
  
Tsukushi was startled. That was completely different from what Shizuka had told her! "No..no I didn't.."  
  
Akira continued, "Well Shizuka's mother was one of the helpers in the Hanazawa household. She came when Rui was about six years old. From what I know, her husband had just passed away and Shizuka was her only daughter. To earn a living she had to work for the Hanazawa's. So she went to stay with them, bringing along with her Shizuka."  
  
"So Hanazawa-san and Shizuka-sempai are childhood friends!"  
  
"Yes. Remember I said that Rui was a withdrawn child? Well Shizuka changed all that. She was a playmate to him and slowly drew Rui out of his shell. We all used to be friends with him too but he would only talk to us. Shizuka was the only one he would play and laugh with. But.." Akira shook his head. "Even that had to be taken away from him. Shizuka decided to leave to become a geisha a year later so as not to burden her mother. When Rui heard the news, he became withdrawn again. On the day Shizuka left, he locked himself in his room and would not come out. So Shizuka left without saying goodbye."  
  
Akira paused and sipped his wine, "All those years I think Rui never got over it. Than he met her again while she was making her debut as a geisha. They finally talked to each other again that night. The two of them behave as if nothing had ever happened, but I know that the wounds from the past haven't yet healed. Now that Shizuka is a top geisha, it complicates matters more. She left Rui once. Will she leave him again? I don't know," Akira shrugged.  
  
The two of them were silent for awhile. "So that's their story, both of them must be hurting so much, to have to pretend that they don't care," Tsukushi pondered silently with sadness.  
  
She was jolted from her musings by Domyouji's booming voice, "Get away from me. You're such a nuisance!"  
  
She looked up to see him trying to brush Sakurako away who was trying to cling on to him. Sakurako pouted and said in a whiny voice, "But Domyouji- san.."  
  
Tsukushi rolled her eyes. Sakurako was such a wishy-washy person; it was surprising that Domyouji enjoyed had not flung her off him earlier.  
  
"But than again, maybe he secretly enjoys all that attention!" Tsukushi fumed. It irritated her to see the two of them like that.  
  
"Sakurako. Why don't you play for us something on the shamisen?" Tsukushi interrupted.  
  
Sakurako glared at her for a second and turned her attention back to Domyouji. "What would you like me to play?" she asked sweetly.  
  
"I want HER to play for me," he pointed to Tsukushi.  
  
Sakurako huffed and said, "Tsukushi can't play the shamisen as well as me! I am one of the top students in class and.."  
  
Domyouji yelled at her, "I want her to play for me, not you! What part of that do you not understand? And why are you attaching yourselves to me like a leash?"  
  
"Ermm, Tsukasa. That should be a leech." Soujirou frowned. 'But than again, you can attach yourselves to a leash but that's only for dogs, so.."  
  
"Shut up! Are you saying I'm a dog?" Domyouji's face was growing blacker by the minute.  
  
"Ah.." Soujirou sweatdropped. "That's not what I meant.."  
  
Afraid that things would get out of hand, Tsukushi jumped in quickly. "Its ok, I'll play the shamisen now for you Domyouji-san," she bowed and smiled at him.  
  
"Well, hurry up than!" he huffed impatiently.  
  
She had to keep herself from biting his head off and clenched her fists instead. This guy was like a raging storm, always threatening to throw her off balance.  
  
Tsukushi went to the front of the room and looked at the different faces in the room. Soujirou and Akira looking at her expectantly. Sakurako sulking away. Yuki smiling and silently cheering her on while sneaking glances at Soujirou. Tsukasa staring at her intensely again.  
  
She took a deep breath, picked up the shamisen and started playing.

* * *

Author's note: That's all for this chapter. More TT/RT next chapter. And to HYD fan, yup I admit that I was inspired by Memoirs of a Geisha and used some of its plot, such as Tsukushi's background and the coming war. But don't worry I'll definitely give it a HYD twist later on! Thanks to all the reviewers, keep the comments coming! Should the ship choose to get caught in the raging storm or should she head for the lighthouse?? And don't be mislead by the title, "Lighthouse by the Ocean" because it doesn't necessarily mean that this fic will be centered on Rui! 


	6. Love Means Knowing When To Let Go

Chapter 5: Love means knowing when to let go

Beautiful music permeated the room as Tsukushi delicately plucked the strings of the shamisen. The whole room listened, enchanted. There was no doubt that Tsukushi's greatest talent lay in her music. When she finished everyone clapped, with the exception of Sakurako who glared at her. But than again, Sakurako had always been competitive and pitted herself against all the geishas in the okiya.

Tsukushi ignored her and smiled appreciatively at everyone. Against her better judgement she cast a glance at Domyouji. To her surprise, he was clapping along. When she caught his eye, he stopped immediately and looked away.

Smirking she said, "Domyouji-san, I hoped that was to your liking."

He gave a small cough and said, "That was all right I suppose."

Akira stared at him incredulously, "All right? That was a first-rate performance!"

Tsukushi could not help giving a smirk. "I've won this round," she gloated inwardly. "That'll teach you not to be so arrogant, Domyouji!"

The night wore on and soon it was time for the F3 to leave. As they bade the geishas goodnight, Domyouji gave her a piece of paper and walked away quickly. Too surprised to say anything, she took it and slipped it in one of her linings in her kimono.

Later as the geishas were on their way home, Sakurako hissed, "Don't think you can capture Domyouji-san's heart! He will never fall for someone like you." She glared at Tsukushi contemptuously and walked ahead fast.

Yuki looked at Sakurako's retreating back and wondered out loud, "What is with her?"

Suddenly sick of everything, Tsukushi wanted to be by herself. "Yuki, you go back to the okiya first. There's something I feel like doing now." With that she rushed off, leaving Yuki alone to gape at her.

Tsukushi felt her heart grow heavy. She was getting into one of her moods again, that feeling of 'I don't want to be a geisha why am I here.' She wandered around the Gion district until her feet reached the beach, away from the hustle and bustle of everything. Being by the ocean at night always made her feel better.

There was something mysterious about the sea when it was dark and she loved staring at the horizon, wondering what possibilities lay in store with her at the other end. As she watched the eternal rhythm of the waves, her mind wandered back and forth to thoughts that plagued her which she continually suppressed.

When she finally felt better and her heart not as heavy, she got up and decided to walk along the beach for awhile. Glancing out at the sea, her eyes vaguely made out a figure walking deeper and deeper into the ocean. Her heart skipped a beat. Was he trying to drown himself? She ran out into the water, shouting, "Hey! What are you doing? Its dangerous out here!" The figure turned around and Tsukushi gasped.

"Hanazawa-san. I.. What are you doing here? I thought you were.. Umm..never mind," she stumbled over her words.

He squinted at her, "Oh its you, Makino Tsukushi. I didn't expect anybody to be out at this time of the night. I was just wading into the water. It feels refreshing to feel the sand beneath your feet." He walked further into the water.

Tsukushi spoke up anxiously, "You shouldn't go in so deep. The tide picks up at this time and the currents are unpredictable." She followed him, "It can be dangerous. Let's go back to the shore. I.. Ah!"

She tripped on something wedged into the sand and fell into the water. She sat up spitting water out and looked up to see Hanazawa Rui's hand held out. He had a hint of smile mixed with concern on his face, "Silly girl. Look at the paint coming off your face. You could easily be mistaken for a ghost."

Tsukushi sputtered indignantly, "Silly? I was trying to be concerned about you!" She tried to get up herself but found the weight of the kimono dragging her down.

"Come on," his hand was still stretched out to her.

With her heart beating fast she grasped his hand and he hauled her out of the water. The fingers on his cold hand were wedged in between hers as he led her back to the shore.

_'His hands fit perfectly into my mine,' she couldn't help wondering._

When they reached the shore, he let go of her hand much to her disappointment. They sat down side by side and looked out into the ocean.

"You should go back. Your clothes are wet," he spoke without looking at her.

"Later, maybe. I don't feel like going back yet. Thanks for the help even if you did call me silly. Umm.. Hanazawa-san.. Why didn't you go the gathering just now?"

"Didn't feel like it."

'_I guess he still isn't ready to talk about Shizuka-sempai,' she thought with a tinge of sadness._

Looking out at the stars that lighted up the cold dark night she said, "Hanazawa-san, the stars look exceptionally bright tonight."

He gazed upwards to the sky with a faraway look, "They look so beautiful but so.. unreachable. No matter how much you want to get near it, its impossible to."

Tsukushi's heart gave a lurch. All along she knew that her feelings for him grew stronger every time, but it was suddenly at that moment she realized that only one person could bring him the happiness he needed.

'I want to see him smile but as much as I want to, I'm not the person that can do it,' she pondered silently with a tinge of regret.

She took a deep breath. She knew what she had to do now.

Tsukushi gazed at a particularly beautiful star, "Look at the light coming from the stars. But you know, some stars don't even exist anymore because their light has taken so long to get to us that they are already dead. What we can see now is only a remnant from the past."

She took a deep breath, "If you want something badly, than don't sit around thinking that you'll never get it. Try hard before its too late." Tsukushi raised her voice, "Don't you dare pine for Shizuka-sempai if you not even going to do anything about it!"

At her words, something in him seemed to change. He stared out at the ocean, unable to mask his sadness. Tsukushi knew she had said too much. "I'm sorry. My words came out more strongly than I intended to."

Hanazawa Rui gave a bitter laugh, "No you're right. Even when we were small, Shizuka would protect me and do everything for me. I'm still that little introverted kid who can't do anything for the one person he cares about."

He continued, "When she announced that day she was leaving, my heart was breaking. But I didn't do anything. I didn't say goodbye.. I keep thinking all those years how sad she must have been. Than when I finally saw her again, a flood of memories came back. But I don't know how to tell her everything I feel. Too many things have happened between us. I feel like I've lost control of everything."

Tsukushi shook her head," You know what's the world's greatest lie? That at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us. The truth is it is only ourselves that can control our own destiny. When my parents left me in the okiya, I felt my world come to an end. I could crumble but I chose to live on as a geisha and work my way to pay back the okiya whatever my parents owed them. I hate this life that I'm leading but I won't allow myself to lose control because I know there's a better life waiting out there for me. And you know what? Its paid off. The debts that need to be repaid over the years are getting smaller. Very soon, I can quit being a geisha. I allow myself to feel sad occasionally but not up to the point where I lose control. If not, everything I've dreamed and worked for and would have been in vain."

Hanazawa Rui gazed at her softly, "I like you. You have a strength that I don't have."

_'You gave me my strength back the day you gave me your handkerchief and wiped away my invisible tears. Even though I now know I can't bring you the happiness you need, I'll never ever lose the strength that you gave me. Maybe its now my turn to help you find your strength.' Tsukushi thought to herself._

Tsukushi smiled, "I believe that you possess the same strength too. You just have to find it inside you and I'm confident that you can. Don't hold back anymore."

She looked at him and saw a glimpse of his tears glistening in the moonlight. She knew that he needed to be alone now.

"I'm going now. Don't stay up too late, searching for answers," she told him. As she got up, he suddenly grabbed her hand and drew her closer to him. Hugging her, he whispered, "I don't know why but I feel comfortable telling you all these things that I would never share with my friends. Thank you for not letting me feel empty on this cold night."

Letting her tears roll, she returned his embrace and held him tightly. Finally he released her and she urged him softly, "Shizuka-sempai is waiting for you."

Turning away from him, she walked away and willed herself not to look back at the solitary figure on the beach.

"Perhaps love is knowing when to let go. Take care, Hanazawa Rui."

Author's Note: Okay, so this chapter was mostly R/T but I felt that I needed to develop their relationship more. And yeah, I based this scene in HYD where the two of them were talking on the beach during the vacation at Domyouji's island and also the airport when they were seeing off Shizuka to Paris. Also T/T fans, look out for the next chapter. Just what the heck did Domyouji write on that piece of paper?!


	7. Swaying on the Stormy Sea

**Chapter 6: Swaying on the Stormy Sea**

Walking back to the okiya alone gave Tsukushi plenty of time to reflect on the conversation she had with Hanazawa Rui. From the moment she had met him, he had intrigued her with his quiet disposition and perceptiveness. He was clearly a man who spoke little but communicated volumes. And as she grew more acquainted with him, it was clear that she had been attracted to him. However she had come to realise that she could not pierce the shell that he had built around himself. It has hurt her deeply to admit to herself and to him that only Shizuka oneesan could penetrate the inner depths of his heart.

"It still hurts though," Tsukushi squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry again. Enough tears had been shed.

Shivering from the chill of the night and the dampness of the kimono, she tried to wrap it around her tighter. It was than that she remembered the note that Domyouji had slipped her. Taking the note out, she gave a cry of dismay. The note was ruined, courtesy of the result of her having fallen into the sea. Squinting at the crushed paper, she tried to decipher the writing on the note. "3pm tomorrow, near the Kyoto Shrine? What does the baka want now?"

Sighing, she was about to dispose of the note but something made her hold back. Instead she shrugged, slipped the note back in her notes and continued walking back.

* * *

Lounging in her room Tsukushi yawned. She could not sleep the previous night and had tossed and turn till it was time to get up. She could have attributed it to the anguish she felt over Hanazawa Rui but somehow she had dreamt of a man with curly hair yesterday. For some reason, he looked a lot like Domyouji but she immediately dismissed the notion. 

Which reminded her of the note. She took it out and scrutinised it again. Frowning, she was interrupted by Yuki peering in and asking, "Tsukushi-san, do you want to go out shopping with me?"

_No point brooding over things. Might as well go out and have fun before I have to work._

"Sure thing Yuki. Just give me some time to get ready," she nodded and got up.

After Tsukushi had gotten ready, she and Yuki set off for the shopping district.

"Tsukushi-chan, you went off so suddenly last night and came back so late. What were you doing, ne?" Yuki asked her teasingly.

Slightly flustered, Tsukushi pretended to act nonchalant, "Nothing much. I had my own stuff to do. Anyway aren't you a nosy one?" She reached out and gave Yuki a little nudge.

Giggling Yuki poked her elbow in Tsukushi's side and they ended up in a little tussle.

"Oww! Stop that! Shh, people are looking. Come on now, steady ourselves. Remember we have to behave. We'll never hear the end of it if this reaches Okasan."

And the two geisha regained their composure and continued on their own journey, maintaining an air of sophisticated aloofness. As they went in shop after shop, they bowed and carried on polite small talk, ever mindful of their status as a geisha. Tsukushi got rather impatient after awhile and she felt like screaming because for the millionth time, she could not bear all the propriety that was required of them. And she had to continue enduring it because Yuki seemed to insist on going to every shop available to look at the new material that have arrived. To make it worse, it had started to rain and Tsukushi was starting to feel cold plus a nagging feeling had formed at the back of her mind.

"Yuki? What time is it?" she finally asked.

"Hmm, its near 5pm. Ohh, I'd better hurry. We have to go back soon," Yuki nodded.

_5pm? That note said 3pm. That baka couldn't have, could he? The shrine is not far from here. Maybe I should go check it out in case._

"I'll go back to the okiya myself. I need to do something first Yuki!" Tsukushi said quickly and ran out of the shop.

Looking up, Yuki only managed to see the retreating back of Tsukushi and the umbrella bobbing up and down as she ran off holding it. Stamping her feet, Yuki shook her head in exasperation, "Haven't I heard this one before? And she took our umbrella with her! Where on earth is that girl going?"

Along the street, the people gaped to see a geisha behaving out of sorts and running madly like a commoner.

_There'll be hell to pay when Madam finds out about this. But whatever. I'm so tired of this life as a geisha. I want to escape from it. Run away from it all. But God, its hard to run in this damn kimono right now._

When she reached the entrance of the shrine, she panted and tried to catch her breath.

_He won't be here would he? Nobody waits that long unless they're stupid. And someone as rich and powerful for him certainly won't be doing anything like that._

She was wrong. There he was in his crisp Western business suit, looking all irritated. But he was there. And all soaked to boot. She could only stand still in shock as she saw him shivering and getting drenched in the rain. When he looked up and saw her, he glared at her.

"Where the hell were you Makino? Do you know the time now!" he yelled.

Looking defensively back at him, she yelled back, "Why on earth did you wait so long? Nobody in their right mind would stand here to get wet!"

"I thought you were.. Never mind! I'm cold!" he complained.

Looking at him trying to keep warm, something in Tsukushi's heart melted. She ran over and shared the umbrella with him, "Come on. Let's take shelter somewhere to warm up."

She led him to a nearby restaurant, with him complaining at the top of his voice while she tried her best not to retort back. The restaurant was near empty and they took opposite seats by the window. An obviously bad-tempered Domyouji ordered sake and the waiter scuttled off, looking a bit intimidated.

Looking at him in irritation, she asked him straightaway, "Why did you ask me to meet you?"

He glared at her and looked out of the window in silence.

"Are you deaf, Domyouji-san?" she snapped, her patience wearing thin.

The waiter returned, depositing the cups of sake before bowed to them and shot off again. Domyouji grabbed his sake and downed it in one shot. It looked like he was nervous about something. He put his cup down and looked at her straight in the eye, "Makino, I want to be your danna."

Unfortunately as he was saying this, Tsukushi herself was drinking her cup. When the reality of his words sunk in, she ended up spitting her sake all over him.

"What the hell, woman! Look at what you have done! Do you know how expensive this suit is?" he spluttered.

But Tsukushi was barely listening to his rants.

_Danna? He wants to be my danna?_

She knew what it meant for a geisha to have a danna off course. Normally a geisha of relatively high popularity could not be bought for a single night. However if the right kinds of man, such as rich ones like Domyouji were interested, they could offer suitable terms to the geisha for a long term arrangement. He would pay her hourly as per normal in addition to paying for her living expenses and her debt. And she knew someone as wealthy as Domyouji would sponsor her lessons and all her clothes. But in return the geisha would have to provide her danna with extra services. If the geisha was lucky, she would only have one danna her whole life.

Domyouji coughed and averted his eyes, "If you're willing, I can talk to the Madam of your okiya and we can negotiate the terms."

Brought back to her senses, she could only stare at him.

_He's interested… in me?_

* * *

**Author's Note:** I finally updated this due to my renewed love for HYD thanks to the live action drama. And I heard the manga's going to have a sequel! Squeeee! Plus the Memoirs of a Geisha movie is coming out and I thought this was the perfect time to continue my fic. Gomen ne for any factual errors I may have made.. these terms befuddle me sometimes. Also I seem to have included the events of the manga into my fic again.. I wanted to experiment what it was like to write about these events in a different time period. Please read and review! You awesome readers are what motivate me to do this. 3 


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